I'm not sure how to write what is on my mind. I'm not "educated" per se with a 4 year degree from some fancy college or university. I'm self-educated. I've spent all of my life studying and learning various information on various subjects. Some subjects were of great interest to me and some subjects were important to me on an academic level, but in a personal way.
I'm not a mean-spirited evil witch trying to domme her husband into submission. I'm not some bitch or nag seeking devious and horrible ways to torture her husband because it amuses me in a perverted sick way.
What I am is a wife who loves her husband dearly. I fell in love with my husband when I was a very young girl. The moment I met him, I knew that he was one in a million and what amazed me was that no other lady saw in him what I saw in him... they had their chance, but they don't have that chance now.
Throughout my slubby's and my life together, raising our daughters, building a life, burying our loved ones and saying goodbye to them and to friends, have bonded us closer than anything else. Nothing has meaning without true love that grows through happiness and joy and wonderous love as well as the heartache, pain and sorrow of burying and saying goodbye to beloved friends and family.
The reason that I'm writing this is because it's important for me that people know that when I share about this adventure, this lifestyle, it is not done without care. It is not done to be hurtful or belittling or harmful to my beloved slubby. This lifestyle is something that he wanted, that he asked for and desires.
This lifestyle at first was confusing to me and horrifying. I'm not a violent person, nor an unkind or manipulative person... I love my husband.
He wanted me to learn and grow and educate my mind about this lifestyle. I did my homework and I've done it well... because I'm not a stupid dumbass idiot. I actually have a good mind... even if I don't have a 4 year degree from some college or university. Although, I do respect those people who sacrificed precious time of their lives and had the discipline and determination to earn a 4 year degree. I'm proud of my slubby for his accomplishments and also others who have done the same thing.
When slubby first shared with me about his desires and what he wanted, I was shocked and unsure and yes... a bit hurt and taken back. Because I love my slubby, I opened my mind and tried to see what he was seeing. I tried to feel what he was feeling. Yes, I have studied psychology as a layman and even though I certainly do not have the credentials to help others in that capacity, at least I do have a clue as to what emotions are and what is underneath the surface. I have an analytical mind. I've learned to be positive in how I analyze certain things. I'm not formally educated in this area and there is a lot more learn, but I know enough to understand that my husband has this fetish.
I know that this lifestyle is not about the sub, but it's about the domme. Here's the thing though, this domme... me..... loves her slubby and it's not just about my happiness, it's about his happiness as much as it is about mine. I'm doing this, and I'm doing it my way. I'm a very strong person. That is why my husband loves me and I won't let him down.
I'm strong enough to be the domme he needs me to be and I'm doing it for me because that is part of the requirement of being a domme... but I'm also a woman who loves her husband and it's also about him too. It's a win-win situation for him and me.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this post. But I needed to.
Being a domme isn't about just being sadistic and cruel or mean-spirited. it's about loving a man (or woman) enough to step up to the plate and love them enough to please them.
Now here is the mind blower for me. While my slubby wanted me to open up my mind to this lifestyle and at first it confused and horrified me and I was hurt... because I thought he was happy as things were, but obviously he had other needs that I wasn't aware of.
So once I got over being hurt, confused and horrified, I opened up my mind, I studied my course and did my homework and learned and continue to learn... and guess what, I'm happy, my slubby is happy. I like this lifestyle.
For me personally, I also for once in my life feel empowerment in a way that I've never felt before. I feel strong in a way that I never felt before. This is a gift ... that I gave to slubby and slubby gave to me. It's a gift of love.
Well done Cleo. Very well done.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
I couldn't agree with you more. From being initially horrified to being completely and totally in love/happy with my sub hubby. The amount of trust that must be had between both parties is...well...huge. I can't think of a strong enough word right now. The intimacy and trust and love is beyond anything I ever expected. I laughed when you said how those other women missed their chance with your slubby and how you didn't understand how they could have missed the wonderful person your slubby is. I have often said to my hubby, "Do these people who just walk by you, know what an amzing person they just missed??? Idiots..." Hubby thinks I'm nuts, but I know what I know! As you said, this is a gift. At first I thought it was just a gift for hubby. But as time went on and I "got it" more and more, I too realized that this was an amazing gift for me. Hubby and I are both lucky, just as you and marc are very lucky. I am SO happy for both of you!!
ReplyDeleteM
Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteWas there anything your husband could have done better to introduce this lifestyle to you?
Then spank for not doing that :-)
Thank you for the very heartfelt post, Cleo. It's a very beautiful description of a deep, loving bond and how it thrives within the D/s lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteI think the more that you embrace that empowered feeling and begin to ride its "high," the happier Marc will become even if it means you doing things he might hate. It's kind of tricky in that way...
All of us subs are really looking for (or cherishing that we have) the cruel, sadistic, and mean-spirited woman that also loves us.
Cleo, Intelligence should not be judged by formal education. There are many people who have not even gone thru highschool who are far more intelligent smart wise than the most accomplished PHD. You may not have the paper degree, but you have a degree in smartness that you know how to ride your own direction and have advanced your education in ways that many have not been able to accomplish thru many years of formal classroom booklearning. A good friend and mentor used to say about some of the highly educated young people who worked with us (in construction) and had the papers to show they were smart enough to have graduated from a university, or were heading towards their degree in whatever, "He has his head so cluttered up with booklearning, he doesn't have room left for common sense." Don't beatup on yourself for your lack of education. Your ideas and writing indicate you are still a very practical person who is inquisitive about life and willing to expand your knowledge and have a strong love for your family. You are an inspiration with your strong will and love for you "slubby."
ReplyDeleteBTW: Have you laid down the law to "slubby" about slowing down with his own comments? It appears that you are finally asserting your own power and finally taking over in the blogging department. Kudos to you.
I look forward to more from you. we "slubbies" need more direction from ladies like you.
Observing
The erroneous concept that you can't possibly love your man and treat him "like that" has prevented a great many women from exploring the world of FLR. You should be proud that you were able to get beyond such a fallacy and see how inspiring it can be for both Dom and sub in a mutually agreed upon D/s relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt's a pleasure to see how far you've come and it's exciting to know that it's only going to keep getting better. In the end, it's love that makes it work, and you clearly understand this. Good for you, Cleo!
What a wonderful, insightful post.
ReplyDeleteMichael_Michael
You wrote: He wanted me to learn and grow and educate my mind about this lifestyle. I did my homework and I've done it well... it's about his happiness as much as it is about mine...So once I got over being hurt, confused and horrified, I opened up my mind, I studied my course and did my homework and learned and continue to learn... and guess what, I'm happy, my slubby is happy. I like this lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteFor me personally, I also for once in my life feel empowerment in a way that I've never felt before. I feel strong in a way that I never felt before. This is a gift ... that I gave to slubby and slubby gave to me. It's a gift of love.
Before commenting your great post I'll just say that a FLR relationship is not a fetish but a lifestyle based on a shared philosophy that both spouses want the wife to be Head of Household. THEN it can contain or not some fetish but it can also be vanilla. That it very important for me/us as we're not doing this for some kind of fetish/kink/sex.
You wrote that he asked something that in some way hurt your feelings but out of love you did learn about what he was talking about. And while a lot of the Internet's crap on the lifestyle could have lead you to think that you could benefit selfishly from it your concern was to thrive to be happy together. And you found it yourself!
I hope my wife will feel that this empowerment is not jeopardizing in any way her inner soul but on the contrary that she'll find her self-confidence to be able to blossom without being capped by my demeanour. This is the gift I offer her and I hope she'll find it as beautiful as the love for her that possess me since I met her so many years ago.
Thanks for sharing those beautiful thoughts.
Ric,
ReplyDeleteMarc here.
While I do not comment as often on Cleo's posts as I used to in this case I will make an exception as we have been very neglectful lately on the blog and I don't know when Cleo will be able to respond (between work, family obligations, and the holidays it has been a whirlwind lately), but thank you from both of us for your thoughtful comment.
I have come to believe that FLR as a lifestyle is distinct from sexuality and/or fetishes. It is the bedrock of the relationship itself, whereas sexuality (from vanilla to kinky) exists as a sub-set within that context. I am sure Cleo agrees with me.
I briefly looked through your blog, but will read it in more depth when time allows. From what I've read so far I like it.
Have a happy new year,
Marc
Hi Suzanne,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I only wished that slubby and I discovered each other in this way years ago, but maybe we may not have been ready for this new awakening within our love for each other.
Hi FH,
You and hubby remind me a lot of slubby and me in how you both love each other and in how you both found a way to add to each other's love and life with many sprinkles of laughter and pain and adventures. :) Your blog continues to inspire me and give me new ideas for slubby.
Hi Anonymous
Slubby didn't really know very much about FLM and once he started to read and learn, he immediately realized that he was a sub and he shared it with me after he did his home work. I think he was always a sub, but he didn't know it... or he may have had those needs, but didn't know how to explain it to himself. I could spank him though... because, well, I can. LOL, but he handled sharing his desires with me in the right way. He did it in baby steps because he knew that it takes me time to think things through and to adjust to surprises... and this was a surprise and it has turned out to be a very pleasant surprise.
Fur Sissy,
Your posts and blogs have been so helpful to slubby and me in gaining a deeper understanding of how to ingrain the D/s life into our life. I love the empowerment and it's flowing into other parts of my life as well. It's like a strength that I've always had, but didn't know it. There are still so much more to learn and so much growing still to be done for both slubby and me. It's tricky as you said and yet very clear too...
Anonymous,
I agree with you that some times we all can get caught up with the learning and educational part of life and forget about the common sense and logic that should go hand in hand together to enhance our life and understanding of life.
I've learned to never under estimate anyone based on their education whether it be formal or informal, I respect education... whether it is formal or informal. The only time that my dander flairs up is when someone judges me in a negative or critical way based on my lack of a formal education. At the same time, I just think... whatever, their loss. (and my loss too).
I'm glad that you asked about Marc and if I have slowed him down with posting. I did ask him to slow it down and to not respond to my posts unless I tell him to. He has been very compliant. I miss his writing though very much.
Lady Grey,
I could not have come so far without you and FH and QG and others inspiration in how you share your D/s life experiences. You are a good teacher and explain so many things well and thoroughly. Your blog is filled with so many wonderful points and thank you so much. For me, without love, nothing is full or complete or whole. Without love, nothing makes sense and is empty. I could not completely give myself to slubby in this way or any other way without fully and completely loving him. I believe he feels the same way.
Michael,
Thank you.
Ric C,
I also hope that your beloved wife will embrace this gift that you are giving to her and that she will give to you. I can see by reading your words how much you love her and love is the key that opens many doors in how a couple lives their life together. I hope that she will blossom too and that you both continue to grow with love.